Very early in 2008 we decided to move to a new home. We were staying in the same town, hoping to live in a nearby neighborhood, but upgrade to a larger, newer home. After looking at several existing homes we decided those didn't have everything we were looking for so we decided to build a new home.
I loved this project. I enjoy construction in general, and the opportunity to manage a house from start to finish was very appealing. I visited the site daily, talked with the construction supervisor on a regular basis and worked with various sub-contractors and suppliers to build our dream house. It is beautiful.
Almost immediately upon moving into the new house, and in fact beginning a few days earlier, I started having a lot of doubts about the decision to move. It wasn't so much doubt as panic. I felt this incredible wariness about moving into the house. I could not figure out why....and it got worse.
Over the next several weeks the anxiety grew to incredible levels. I spoke with my wife at length (she's amazing btw), I spent hours with friends, and with pastors from our church. I could not sleep. I started to pray more and more. I prayed for relief. I prayed for guidance. I prayed for God to tell me what was causing this stress. I prayed for God to take this worry away from me. It did not help.
Then I changed what I was praying for completely. I stopped praying for me. I started praying for God. I prayed that God be glorified. I prayed that God is the one eternal, everlasting God and his name should be praised. I didn't tack on a wish list of items for myself.
The stress vanished, the anxiety disappeared, I slept. The journey continues and I know there are questions yet to be answered, but now it is all in God's hands.
This world is not for us. It's for Him.
Praise God.
June 29, 2009
June 28, 2009
Where was I?
This world is so distracting. In 1988 I was a strong in the faith, walking, talking and serving Christian. God blessed me with the opportunity to serve him at a Christian summer camp and then led me to work as a director of a youth program at a church in Tyler, TX in 1992. I loved and lived for God. I was pumped to honor and glorify Him.
Then, and it seems to almost have happened suddenly, that passion vanished. I look back over the past dozen or so years of my life and I am discouraged by the man I became. I have not been a "bad" person. I did not break laws, have any affairs, or addictions...well, that's not exactly true.
I started breaking God's greatest commandment most of the time. Matt 22:37-39 says “Jesus replied, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.”
In 1997 I took on a "traditional" job in the corporate world. Over the next 12 years my salary doubled, and then almost again. We moved from a three bedroom home, to a four bedroom home, then to a much bigger five bedroom home, and from one, to two, to three, to four cars. I had an affair with material stuff.
I love home improvement projects. Sports is where it's at, and I enjoy watching sports in person and on TV. I like to watch movies and collect DVDs. I enjoy spending time on my computer whether surfing the web, gaming or working. I started going to church as long as I liked the message, as long as I wasn't up too late on Saturday night, as long as I only had to stay for one service. I stopped serving. I became addicted to me.
Where was I?
Then, and it seems to almost have happened suddenly, that passion vanished. I look back over the past dozen or so years of my life and I am discouraged by the man I became. I have not been a "bad" person. I did not break laws, have any affairs, or addictions...well, that's not exactly true.
I started breaking God's greatest commandment most of the time. Matt 22:37-39 says “Jesus replied, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.”
In 1997 I took on a "traditional" job in the corporate world. Over the next 12 years my salary doubled, and then almost again. We moved from a three bedroom home, to a four bedroom home, then to a much bigger five bedroom home, and from one, to two, to three, to four cars. I had an affair with material stuff.
I love home improvement projects. Sports is where it's at, and I enjoy watching sports in person and on TV. I like to watch movies and collect DVDs. I enjoy spending time on my computer whether surfing the web, gaming or working. I started going to church as long as I liked the message, as long as I wasn't up too late on Saturday night, as long as I only had to stay for one service. I stopped serving. I became addicted to me.
Where was I?
Everything
Genesis 1 pretty much takes care of establishing who we should thank for everything we cherish. We often marvel at the astronaut who lands on the moon, the scientist that cures a dreaded disease, the quarterback that throws the winning touchdown pass, but how about at Genesis 1:3?
“And God said, ‘Let there be light’, and there was light.” WHAT? Back up and read that verse again. If that doesn’t make you shudder with awe pinch yourself to make sure your heart is pumping! If you’ve EVER, done ANYTHING in the daylight…stop and praise God. How about Genesis 1:9? “And God said, ‘Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place and let dry ground appear’, and it was so.” I’d say that covers everything you’ve ever done on land or sea. Why is it then we act like we can do anything we want and bask in the glow of our accomplishments?
Creating the universe, time, the earth, and all the living creatures on it including man was only the beginning of God’s plan. His decision to create man was one of ultimate love. Genesis 1:26 starts out saying, “Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, in our likeness and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air…” God’s love for man drove him to extend his creation beyond this world placing man on an eternal timeline, and requiring the sacrifice of his son. Our challenge is to honor that love.
“And God said, ‘Let there be light’, and there was light.” WHAT? Back up and read that verse again. If that doesn’t make you shudder with awe pinch yourself to make sure your heart is pumping! If you’ve EVER, done ANYTHING in the daylight…stop and praise God. How about Genesis 1:9? “And God said, ‘Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place and let dry ground appear’, and it was so.” I’d say that covers everything you’ve ever done on land or sea. Why is it then we act like we can do anything we want and bask in the glow of our accomplishments?
Creating the universe, time, the earth, and all the living creatures on it including man was only the beginning of God’s plan. His decision to create man was one of ultimate love. Genesis 1:26 starts out saying, “Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, in our likeness and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air…” God’s love for man drove him to extend his creation beyond this world placing man on an eternal timeline, and requiring the sacrifice of his son. Our challenge is to honor that love.
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